This is for the ones who are tired of being asked the standard, “How are you?” with the unsaid assumption that there is no time for a response other than ok or fine. No, not everyone needs to know the nitty-gritty on what’s going on in my life. But can we just change it to “Good to see you.”? That way I don’t have to feel like a fraud every time I hear the words, “I’m alright.” come out of my mouth.
This is for the ones who are trying to keep any sense of normalcy and consistency for themselves and their kids in the midst of a time where rescheduling and cancelling plans are the consistent norm. We’re all having a tough time right now no matter what age. Yes, I know this is teaching our kids resiliency but it is also taking its toll. I have never been more scared of commitment than I am right now. I have resorted to using disclaimers like, “barring any unforeseen circumstances” or “if all goes as planned” when scheduling anything since any sickness, school closure, you name it can change things on a dime. For me, just acknowledging all the feelings, my son’s and mine helps me navigate the changes.
This is for the ones whose bodies and minds are tired of constantly being in fight, flight or freeze in which no amount of sleep is the cure. The amount of aerobics that my mind does on a daily or weekly basis as a parent and during a pandemic is exhausting. I have a fairly anxious baseline of which parenthood brought to a whole new level. But now having to calculate risk and think of quarantine or isolation logistics uses up most of my energy and brainpower.
This is for the ones whose motivation above the minimum workload is fleeting. My body and mind are in self-preservation mode. It’s as though they are saying to me, “We have enough energy for the day-to-day, but anything else, not today.”
This is for the ones who are on information overload. There is only so much new information a person can take in and between texts and emails about school, work, and everything in between, I hit my threshold before 10am on most days.
This is for the ones who struggle to get through winter even without a pandemic and now are struggling even more. There is no way around January and February, you just have to swim through it and Minnesota winters are not for the faint-of-heart. It separates the cold weather enthusiasts from everyone else. And when the temperature is subzero and going outside isn’t an option, parents rely on taking the kids somewhere inside to burn off energy. But right now. for those of us who don’t feel comfortable bringing our kids to the usual places it can feel like we’re trapped inside without our normal options.
This is for the ones who have feelings of sadness and rage when you go out in public in the middle of a pandemic surge and many people are not wearing a mask much less a high-quality one. Even if it serves as just a cough or sneeze guard at this point, can we all just agree that this is one tool in our arsenal to help transmission of a highly contagious virus? Yes, I think mask-wearing has been either over-hyped or under-hyped and public health officials have done a deplorable job communicating the benefits and limitations. But just because you don’t like being told what to do, you’re willing to cough & sneeze and risk someone getting a cold, flu, or COVID in the middle of a PANDEMIC and now that kid with asthma or that elderly person could be looking at a hospital stay or worse. Yes, I get a little frisky with this topic and I acknowledge that holding on to this much anger is not good. But, DAMN.
Lastly, and most importantly, this is for the ones who have lost someone during this time and haven’t been able to grieve them completely. I lost my grandma in November 2020 and because funerals were either limited or just not a good idea, we never had a chance to get that closure. I said goodbye to “Nanny” on Facetime using a phone from one of the nurses who was taking care of her and I swear I left my body in that moment. All of the memories, the fire-orange lipstick that she wore and her feisty personality gone just like that.
Still, after everything, there is gratitude. Because without it, whatever came before it is that much harder.
I am grateful for the people in my life who make me laugh and allow me to forget for just a moment everything else.
I am grateful for my Husband who has been an incredible partner during this whole mess of a situation. We see the world through a similar lens which allows us to conquer it together rather than wade through it alone.
I am grateful for my son, who we created with love and science and now reminds me to be kinder, more patient and to keep putting one foot in front of the other every day. Don’t get me wrong, he is mostly the reason why I look so tired all the time but nothing puts a smile on my face quite like hearing a small kid fart and afterwards saying, “Excuse me, that was a dinosaur.”
I am grateful for the sense of community that I have with most of my neighbors. I never thought I’d live in a neighborhood where I could borrow an emergency box of Mac & Cheese, meet for a driveway happy hour or have a Bunko night. By the way, I’m almost 7 years in and I still don’t fully understand the rules of that game.
I am grateful for my relationship with my Dad which changed for the better since the start of this pandemic. I’ve actually seen him more during this time than any other over the course of our relationship which says a lot about us. We both have softened our hard edges and our relationship is probably the most open and honest one that I have in my family right now.
And finally, I am grateful for the all the grandparents in my son’s life who have been a near constant during the pandemic. Last year, we made the choice to continue having our parents watch him during the week rather than starting preschool. So while many others had to go months without seeing grandparents, we were able to see them on a weekly basis. And the fact we even had that choice as an option when many others did not is not lost on me. Even though my relationship with my mom and my mother-in-law are not without complications, they have helped us out tremendously. Whether it was watching them while Rob and I were at work, or the occasional sleepover to give us a night off, their presence in our life helped keep our sanity as parents.
I continue to write this blog as a means of therapy for myself and as a way to connect on a deeper level to those who might find something in it for them. That said, if you are someone who lives your life by the doctrine of toxic positivity or you can honestly say these last 2 years haven’t affected you then maybe this post isn’t for you. And I’m probably not your cup o’ tea anyways considering olympic-style complaining with a dash of negativity and judgement are my go-to coping mechanisms. But for those of you who find value in being authentic and vulnerable with one another then we need to find each other to talk, laugh, cry, and decompress together. Because if we’re all just faking it then what’s the point? There are enough ones out there that if we just take an extra moment to listen to someone’s answer of “I’m not ok” then it could make someone feel heard.
Now, most importantly, I want to hear from you. What have been some of the hardest aspects of the last couple of years for you? What are some of the bright spots that may have surprised you? And lastly, how are you? Go ahead, I have all the time in the world to listen…
